Running Away

Sadly I'm not in Italy anymore.  Anyone shocked?  It's taken me about a week to come to grips and be able to write what happened and why I left.  So a while back in my blog I posted that something happened, but I was very vague about details as to what had happened.  Here's what happened.  The husband came on to me.  At first I was super confused because I was taking care of the kids playing games on the couch when it happened, but it was so out of the blue that I didn't know if it was maybe just an Italian thing.  Anyway confusion aside it was inappropriate and I sought council from the missionaries.  Well that weekend and the next week it became worse.  I again asked the missionaries for advice, and the Branch President I even had a blessing so that I could receive an answer.  Still nothing, and now it was almost unbearable.  As soon as he would sit down by me, it was inevitable that he would start to try to touch me.  Whether the kids were there or the wife in the next room it didn't matter nothing would protect me except me hiding out in my room.  Thus the beginning of me becoming a recluse in my room.  Side note:  It was really cold outside so waiting at bus stops when it's freezing isn't as enjoyable as it sounds.  I went outside when I needed to, or to go into town for a little bit.  Also I need to mention that the husband for the most part was home watching tv.  They were incredibly wealthy, but he only went out to do work for a couple hours but at noon he was back so that meant to avoid him at all cost I would stay in my room with my door shut and locked usually.  So while that was becoming a horrible situation the wife was becoming a little more psychotic.  She had major O.C.D.'s about food.  At first it was okay then it became I wasn't allowed to eat certain foods.  Like this one time she came up to me and said, "I noticed that you've been using a lot of butter, can you not use any more."  or salad or biscuits, or bread, or yogurt oh wait I couldn't eat any eggs my only source of protein.  The list of food I was using too much of went on, because I was starving.  So I would hide food in my room that didn't need refrigeration so I could snack on something.  Besides starving there were other things that made it hard to live.  The wife and husband fought all the time.  The father didn't speak any English so of course it was in Italian, and I had no idea what was happening.  (Now I know why the last Au Pair for them got a boyfriend as soon as possible and spent as much time as possible out of the house).  After the fighting the wife would take out her frustrations on me. It was then that I started noticing things were getting progressively worse.  I was only suppose to iron and stuff once a week, but the wife starting having me do more and more house work.  So by the end I was doing majority house work and less time with the kids.  I'm not complaining it kept me busy and away from the husband.  It was just annoying.  Also the mom was becoming more crazy.  I would make the beds in the morning, and they had to be made like hospital beds with the ends mitted.  The little girl who is only three years old would sit on her bed for a sec after I finished making them leaving a wrinkle in the sheets.   If the wife saw the wrinkle she would point it out and tell me that I needed to make the beds better then rip off the sheets to have me remake the beds.  My mom came and visited me around this craziness.  I didn't tell her how stressed and how much anxiety I had because I wanted to decide for myself whether I should come home or not.  After she left the husband became worse.  More touchy then ever before.  He even tried to kiss me. Which I would say is past the inappropriate stage and on to the nasty stage.  The last day I was there the wife was matching slices of bread to make sure they were even before making the kids sandwiches and counting the meat. Having me clean out all the drawers of the children's room where they store their toys.   All in all I can say with clarity that any spirit or joy I had when I was there was never in the house with the parents.  I loved the children dearly and would take them outside as much as possible.  But as soon as I was in that house every bit of happiness was gone. 
So here comes the spontaneous flee.
I waited. Finally on Saturday morning they told me that they were going to go to the mountain to ski for the day.  Here's my chance.  I helped them in the morning get ready to leave.  Then as soon as they were gone I threw as much as I could fit into my suitcases and left. I left on the dresser a brief letter saying that "I'm sorry I had to leave, the reasons were my own.  I loved your family."  I had the missionaries come and help me get my luggage to my friend Leticia's house.  Leticia and I hung out for a couple House while she finished what she needed to do, then we boarded a train to Verona.  Let me just say if you travel to Italy again do not pack heavy pack small suitcases with light things.  That was so hard.  We ran into the missionaries again at the train station and had them help us carry the suitcases up the stairs.  But then we were on our own.  Thank goodness for the Asian that helped me get the huge suit case off the train in Verona.  We found an elevator in the Verona station which was a life savior and went and got us a taxi.  It was super cool.  First time of taking a taxi.  We found our hotel and checked in.  By this time we were starving.  So we went out and enjoyed Verona at night.  It's beautiful at night by the way.  We found a small cafe where there were lots of people mingling and had a wonderful dinner watching people on a warm night.  Back at the hotel we both crashed asleep. I woke at four in the morning caught another taxi to the airport leaving Leticia at the hotel.  She would leave at seven to go home.  Then began the journey of fighting airport staff to get my luggage home and my late noticed flights.  Three airplanes later with twenty-eight hours or more awake I finally arrived home.  Oh and the wife tried to skype my mom.  So I wrote her an email explaining about the husband and stuff which she denied.

personal thoughts

I swallow the words that I want to speak.  They demand to come out, but I put on a blank face and swallow, then I breathe.  The words don't go down willingly, a lump forms in my throat, and then stomach acid is their final protest.  I may not understand Italian, but I get a clear picture when you argue incessantly. 

I closed my eyes and let it happen. 

Post office battle

Just like the title suggest I've been battling with the post office.  America is founded on efficiency.  Whereas Italy has no efficiency so therefore it suffers.  When my mom was here we went to three different post offices each claiming that the packages that my mom sent were somewhere else.  Finally we took the missionaries on Tuesday with us to talk to someone inside the post office.  They didn't have it because I'm suppose to wait for the postal service to leave a note saying they had the package.  Luckily when we came back to the house on Tuesday the note for one of the packages was on the door.  So after my mom left I went back on Thursday to the last post office we had visited to talk to them.  Excuse my language but the lady I talked to was a Bitch.  She didn't even look.  She was unsympathetic to the fact that I was American and didn't understand.  She said the package wasn't there.  Told me to write down my number and to leave.  So I left very angry.  Today (Friday) I took the missionaries back with me.  We got a different lady to help us.  The lady that helped me on Thursday came in and said some rude things, that even the missionaries said she was a Jerk.  Anyways the lady we talked to helped us to locate one of the packages.  They said they would deliver it on Monday or Tuesday.  We will have to see if that happens or not.  I'm rolling my eyes right now because the chances of the something Italian actually working would be a miracle.  Also a side note.  My spelling has become atrocious.  Also Elder Gammel is going home next week.

Mom's visit

Sorry its been a while.  I've been a little busy. Yes, my mom arrived here and left here safely, although I called her and she hasn't picked up yet I'm assuming she made it home okay..... 
Let me start from my train ride.  I caught a train to Verona to meet my mom at the station.  Once I arrived in Verona I waited on a freezing cold bench for my mom.  I waited, and waited, and waited.  I periodically tried calling and texting her phone with no reply.  Finally I was becoming anxious at the thought that maybe something had happened because there was no reply and an hour had passed since she was suppose to be at the station.  I was so worried that I texted her a comment that would definitely warrant a comment from my mother particularly scolding me, anything would be nice, just so I know that she is still alive.  She thankfully called me after the text saying she would be there soon.  Good, because my bum was frozen on that bench.  I was trying to keep body warmth at that point.  When she came into the station, I was incredibly happy.  Believe it or not, but I really needed her here even though it was short.  I have been so stressed with driving clutch and lonely.  We bought tickets back to Trento, and rode back.  We then caught a bus up to the house.  The family left that morning so the house was empty when we arrived.  I made lunch for the both of us.  We were starved.  Notice I made food.  It was edible, and even good.  Starving here as compelled me into cooking food for myself when I can find it.  We went back into town, and I took her to the grocery store.  Okay so they don't have grocery stores like America has.  There largest grocery store is a tiny one room with not a lot inside.  Oh yeah! Before we went to the grocery store I showed her the city center in Trento.  Mostly this visit was a lot of walking.  If you enjoy walking the Italy is your kind of place.  We carried the groceries home, after another bus ride.  I think I was more tired than my mom was even after all of those plane rides.  We then planned our trip to Venice.  With lots of searching we found a hotel/hostel close to San Marco Piazza.  Saturday was castle day! We went to the castle here in Trento.  Which was very beautiful, I hadn't gone inside until then.  We walked around a little bit more after the castle.  Then I took her to a pizzaria where they have delicious pizza.  We ate ourselves sick with whole pizza's each.  We came back to the house via a bus.  Then of course I crashed for another nap.  I have no idea what my problem was.  I was exhausted and needed to sleep I guess, but it seemed like I was always tired.  We then went out again in the late afternoon for hot chocolate.  I don't think mom liked it as much as I did.  The cafe that we went to serves very rich, very thick, and not semi-sweet hot chocolate.  I love it!  I could have five, then become incredibly sick.  Sunday was a furry of travel to Venice.  We caught a train to Verona again, then ran for a connection to Venice.  Last weekend was Carnival weekend (right before lent)  so Venice was jammed packed with people! Holy cow, the streets were so crowded.  We walked the longest way possible from the train station through narrow narrow streets to get to San Marco.  The walk took like two hours of walking through side streets and over bridges, in the shoving crowd of people.  Everyone was wearing masks, or silly costumes, there was a costume contest in the piazza where people dress to the nines in old 16th century clothing.  It was incredible.  Mom and I stopped to get a breather in a mask shoppe.  Just a nook in the wall really, but we found two masks that were beautiful.  Then we too joined the masked crowd of people to San Marco.  Once we found San Marco, and its thousands of people.  The next move was to find our hotel.  Our hotel was a tiny one star a couple off side streets away from the main square.  To say it was a one-star doesn't quite put into perspective the hotel.  It was more of a hostel, with two bathrooms that everyone shared.  Paper thin walls, and no locks on the door.  It was boiling hot inside the room, and the mattress with thin sheets draped over it did little to comfort you. We dropped off our stuff and went back out into the crazy busy streets.  We found a restaurant tucked back onto a separate street that was delicious!  Very good Italian food.  Then we made our way back to San Marco's Piazza where we danced to the loud music, and mostly just people watched.  We had gelatto in the square then decided that the crowd was getting a little out of control so we made our way back to the hotel.  Let me just tell you that, that was the longest night of my life!  I kept waking up feeling like it should be morning, but only ten minutes had passed. All night loud people were coming into the hotel.  After the restless night we woke, and went out into the cold.  The warm sunny day before had turned into a cold rainy/snowy Venice day.  We made our way back to San Marco Piazza where we had delicious chocolate filled croissants and hot chocolate.  Mom and I split up, I went to the Cathedral in San Marco's and mom went to find Milano glass factory.  We were so early that neither had opened up.  I waited in a long line in the freezing cold until they opened the doors.  I walked into a dimly lit cathedral that was beautiful in a different sense.  It was a cold beauty where gold was covering the ceiling and many crucifix, but not a peaceful beauty.  I felt transported to a harsh view of Christ's life.  It was a monument to man's triumph and riches more than a church.  Mom and I met up again down by the water taxi station.  We hopped onto a water taxi and braved the choppy water.  I'm just glad that mom didn't get sea-sick again.   Back at the train station we were freezing, so we sat down on a train leaving for Verona, but missed the correct train and ended up waiting an hour in the train.  Finally back in Verona we caught another train with an hour wait to Trento.  It seemed like Monday was primarily focused on traveling back to Trento.  We came home tired, made dinner and crumb cake.  (crumb cake is my favorite food)  I put mom to bed, as she feel asleep in another movie.  Tuesday we went into the town met the missionaries.  We had pizza together with the missionaries and just talked.  It was nice to have my mom finally meet the two people responsible for saving my sanity on a number of occasions.  We came home and frantically put the house in order, made a cold dinner, and waited for the family to come home.  When they arrived it was so cute.  Bea, and Gabriele were so excited to meet my mom.  They wanted to show her everything.  Their toys, how they play soccer, and everything.  It was very cute.  Bea clung onto my mom, and woke early Wednesday to see her.  I drove Gabriele to school then came back to get ready.  Mom and I walked around Trento and shopped.  We found amazing shoes! When we came back to the house Ilaria had made a delicious lunch.  We ate and talked.  Then we took my mom down to meet Carlo's parents.  I love Carlo's parents, they are very sweet and funny.  Nonna (grandmother)  made my mom a delicious cake.  We talked and laughed some more.  Then it was time for my mom to go to the train station.  Carlo's drove us in his car.  He showed my mom how he's a crazy Italian driver scaring both of us senseless.  I hugged my mom goodbye.  It was hard to say goodbye that time.  It made me homesick, and I contemplated leaving with her.  I miss you mom, and family very much.  Thank you dad for letting mom come.  It really meant a lot to me. 

Victory dance

Today has been a wonderful day. I have conquered multiple fears, and survived driving school.  In fact I passed driving school with an A+.    I had a hard time last night sleeping because this morning I was going to drive Gabriele to school in the manual car.  But we did it! I prayed like crazy, and I know Heavenly Father was helping me.  Next I went to Italian lessons with the crazy lady.  I remember now what else about her drives me nuts.  Her shaking her pen and leg like crazy.  It makes it hard to focus when the teachers hand is going five hundred miles per minute.  I skipped the pastries.  (I still think they are out to get me) I decided instead to buy a pizza.  This is also new for me since I don't eat out unless I have a native Italian to order for me. Today I bought a pizza!  Picture going into a little pizzaria next to a cathedral, eating hot homemade pizza that's super delicious.  I also scoped out some places I want to take my mom when she comes.  I'm super excited.  Just one more day then I go to Verona to pick her up!

Facing Fears One Gear At A Time

Yes, I had another battle with driving stick.  The red car is needed else where, and I am suppose to drive manual. First let me tell you how Sunday went.  Instead of going to church I was going to go with the family skiing or sledding.  It was too cold, and snowing heavily in the mountain so it was decided that instead we were going to go to lunch with friends.  The friends were another couple and their two children really close in age with Gabriele and Bea.  We drove up into the mountain, and around this gorgeous lake covered in fog.  It was beautiful.  The water was a cold dark grey, and the fog made it appear that the lake was floating and went out forever into nothingness.  As always when in the car with Carlo driving the kids chant for him to drive like a maniac thus scaring the crap out of me.  I play along like I don't understand why they keep saying my name.  I scream yes in fear, but also because the kids laugh themselves silly.  Finally we made it to the restaurant.  It was a beautiful restaurant out by the lake road, and away from anything else.  Bea had fallen asleep in the car, and once woken to go inside she remained quiet and shy. So I sat by here while the couples talked and laughed (with some wine and ale).  Bea was fascinated by a roll of tape that the other couple brought in a coloring supplies bag for their daughter.  She asked repetitively for me to cut the tape so she could tape her doll Lorenzo.  The most delicious food came.  I was adventurous enough to try this bright purple cabbage thing that tasted wonderful.  The kids played all through lunch.  Then came dessert!  Oh can I just say there is such a thing as a dessert that makes you want to cry and laugh because it's the most delicious thing ever.  Tirimisu at this restaurant was that dessert.  It had a small bowl of a chocolate cake/ice cream/ pudding that was so rich and creamy but firm deliciousness.  Then an enormous cup that was filled with cake hidden by creamy vanilla pudding with crated chocolate over it.  Oh my goodness it was so delicious.  I must have gained five pounds just by eating it, but I would do it again in a heart beat if offered.  Why is it that I always choose the wrong apparel?  I have no idea.  Maybe its because everything is said in another language and I have no idea half the time whats going on.  That's possibly the reason.  But whatever the conclusive answer to the question is, it was decided to take a stroll around one of the lakes close by.  I wore my new oxfords which I had been trying to break in, and was hoping I wouldn't get another blister for wearing them.  But I agreed and we went to the lake.  The lake was frozen solid, and in face was so solid we went walking on it.  I have never seen a lake so frozen you could walk on it.  It was pretty cool.  Unfortunately Ilaria slipped and hit her head and shoulder which I'm still kind of worried about.  We walked for a bit up by the playground while the kids played.  It was so bitter cold my feet I was afraid were going to have frost bite they were hurting so bad from the cold.  Finally we turned to go home.  With more screams from me and laughter from the kids.  The other couple came to the house and the kids played for a bit.  Once they left this is where I began to panic.  DRIVING LESSONS.  Let me tell you three strikes against me as a manual driver.  One:  I'm a women, which to my sexes distress we are fairly bad drivers.  We can't help it, we multitask, we have so much on our minds that we can't help that we are distracted.  Two: I'm blond.  I have never used that as an excuse before because hair color doesn't impede anything.  Much to my annoyance if you do suggest my hair color for a lack of judgement on my part.  Three:  I've had no experience with manual.  I mean I had a lesson or two from my parents.  But come on! In America we drive with rules, and wide roads.  Here in Italy its a free-for-all.  Narrow roads, lines and signs that no one obeys, and can I just say bazillion hills that are impertinently steep.  Side note: Dad if I ever complained about you when you were teaching me to drive, I take it all back.  It's harder to learn from someone that only speaks a couple words in English.  Carlo took me to a flat, long, empty road with no cars.  There I practiced starting over and over again, because that's my greatest weakness besides hills.  Over and over again with Carlo trying to explain the clutch and me sweating profusely because I can't breathe I'm so worried.  After I somewhat mastered that we went to a small hill that wasn't anything really at all and tried starting on that.  Over and over again with the engine sputtering, and me praying with all my heart to just get the blasted car moving.  I found a hidden strength.  I'm excellent at putting the car in reverse and driving.  Too bad I can't use that more often.  Finally we ended thank goodness, with the hope that today (Monday) we will try again.  Yay, lucky me. (I meant that with complete sarcasm).   
Now for the grand finale!  MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND! I am so excited!!!!!!!!

?

I opened my blog up, and the thought came to my mind of welcoming an old friend.  My little corner piece of sanity. 
I can't think of a title that would fit this because it's just a jumble of random thoughts.  On last Sunday as I walked in the bitter Italian cold I thought about the rampant pigeon problem here.  The pigeons are so abundant, and so tame that one could literally bend down and pick one up without much difficulty.  As I walk on the streets, pigeons are galore and I could kick one before it made up its mind that it should fly away. 
Yesterday morning I felt completely free.  I left the house and walked past the bus stop and further down.  A little piece of myself came into clarity.  I enjoy walking especially when it resolves my stress.  I haven't slept, and truly slept for a while.  It doesn't matter how early I go to bed or taking Zanix, I still awake to a little anxiety and tiredness. 
Also two things.  The first being when in doubt buy some pastries.  Because it will cheer you up, and it also buys you time to think.  Secondly don't question it, it's an Italian thing just nod your head and go with it. 
On Tuesday all the pastry shops in Trento had come into cahoots to utterly embarrass me.  Luckily for me, I also know when to just walk away.  When in doubt walk away.  I haven't been in a pastry shop since.  Tomorrow maybe I'll brave one to see if I'm allowed in or not.  (A BRIEF EXPLANATION)  I tried to go into a pastry shop, the first time I couldn't figure out how to open the door.  There were other customers inside who gawked at me awkwardly, but none went to my aid.  After trying to push the handle-less door the second time I gave up and walked away with my face flushed.  The second time that same day only a couple blocks away in a nook in the wall pastry shop.  I braved the door, and went inside.  After trying to say a number for the small pastries, the lady filled up a plate with huge pastries.  These were not the usual that I buy but I shrugged my shoulder.  At least I made it inside the shop this time right?  Wrong!  After weighing the delicious pastries, she told me the price.  It was quite a bit higher than I'm use to for pastries.  But I handed her my card.  Which she shook her head, cash only.  Well, what to do, I mumbled sorry.  Then walked out the door leaving her standing there. 
Today I wish for something other than peanut butter, which I still really want.  I wish my mom was here laughing with me or at me.  That we could go together to be silly Americans.