Crunch time!

     Crunch time i.e. not a figure of speech but an actual panicked feeling you get when you know it's closer to the end date.  Do you remember the time when you were a younger and the high dive looked obtainable, so you decided to go up there and show everyone who is boss?  Some people would jump off without any hesitation.  They would just walk, run, or jump off like they were born to fly. Like my new sister in-law Keena, who when we went cliff jumping walked off the edge of a fifty-five foot cliff like she was walking down stairs.  Then there are some like me who eye up the cliff or the high dive.  I think its not so big I can do this.  I climb up the stairs and look over the edge.  The view from above is knee shaking.  Like during our cliff jumping excursion.  I was only twenty-five feet up.  Not that high really. I would walk to the end to jump and fail miserably.  I just couldn't force myself over. Repeatedly I would walk or try running to the edge to jump off with little success.  Finally I give up and head back down then stop and run/fling myself off.  See in order for me to jump I have to trick my mind and body.  This is what it's going to be like the day that I leave for Italy.  I'm going to want to cry, beg to not go.  Then I'll plunge head first.  I feel like this is really how my life is.  I have goals to travel, try new things no matter what.  But when perched on the ledge I can't jump.  I have to trick myself, ironically into doing it. 
    I might be writing this for the void that is space merely to keep my sanity while I'm gone, but for me this is my life.  This is what I am thinking about.. All my failures, mistakes, and my triumphs.  I'm going there to learn something about myself, and mainly to grow.  I feel like I'll be twenty-one in January and my lists of success are minimal.  I'm trying not to have some pity party, but for reals I just feel like I'm not going anywhere fast.  Everyone moves through life at different speeds, and I've been given the slow motion button. 
    Another secret I'll divulge is the fact that I would totally be okay marrying an Italian that I met in Italy.  Although granted my list of what he has to have is fairly long so any possibility of dating someone is slim.  All I want is LDS, fairly tall, worthy and handsome young man. 
    Randomly  I'm still trying to figure this whole blog things so patience is key. Thank you for reading this.
   
  P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!