Confessions

Today I got a little bit homesick but for the most random thing.  It was lunch time which I had the house all to myself.  I opened the fridge, looking for something to eat.  Suddenly all I could think about was how much I wanted a peanut butter and honey sandwich.  I would give anything to even lick peanut butter right now.  Afterward as I sat on the bus down to the city center (Duomo square) I was fantasizing making the sandwich and eating it. 
I find myself amazed at the normalcy of Italians.  When I was visualizing coming over here I only thought of what the movies portrayed them and their country.  Which is in some ways similar, like their food in movies is similar.  The talking with the hands like gangsters, cannoli's and all, but overall its so similar to us in America.  Today I sat on the bus coming to and going back home watching the people.  I'm a huge fan of people watching.  Kids running and cramming into the bus, talking excitedly, and of course the social classes amongst teenagers. 
Second confession I am going to make to myself really is that I'm having serious problems falling asleep.  I've been taking Zanix for my anxiety, but I haven't been able to fall asleep by myself.  I don't know why.  I fall into bed exhausted from the spoiled kids tantrums, cleaning, and helping.  I am exhausted, but my brain apparently is not and won't shut off. 
Mental note to myself as well.  Whatever I do.  Whether I get married and have kids sooner or later (hopefully right?)  DO NOT SPOIL THEM.  Teach them to work hard, to clean up after themselves, a sense of independency, and above all else to love and respect me.  Working as an au pair for a family where the kids through things on the ground because they never have to pick it up.  Where they scream until they get what they want.  Where it's okay to hit one another, pinch, and yell.  Where they don't choose their clothes.  Finally where its okay to be disrespectful to adults.  Tessa whatever happens please raise the kids like mom and dad.  I just want to say thank you so much mom and dad.  At the time all I could think of was how strict you where.  Work, work, work, and learning how to be a team player.  Thank you so much for raising me to the best of my potential with hopefully a little room for me to grow with self improvement. 

P.S. On the bus a kid from junior high asked me a question regarding the empty seat next to me.  I thought he asked is this seat taken.  Which I promptly replied "No."  He looked down and moved away from me.  I guess he wasn't asking 'Is this seat taken' rather he was asking, 'can I sit here"  I feel terrible.